You hear about it a lot. Everybody wants to not only have a successful career, but also wants to have children, and live life a little bit. I can see age 35 on the horizon, and I guess I’m starting to worry about time running out. Although I know that I’m still young, – especially in the architect/real estate world – sometimes I start to worry. They tell you your twenties go flying by – they aren’t lying.
I start this blog post in an attempt to put off some work I have to do – its Sunday, a day when many of my peers are spending time with their families, while I, on the other hand, and struggling with a high work load. Everyone has it – and really, we all have limited time, high stress jobs, and all of that jazz. I am not complaining, as my life really isn’t that different from anyone else’s. People have just made different decisions, and I have ended up being unmarried with no kids in my mid-thirties – which, honestly, is how I saw myself when I was relatively young. So, I’m OK there, in my mind. Everyone has their own goals.
But as I sit here, struggling to start work, I can’t help but think about how much time I have left and what I’m going to do with it. “Time I have left” sounds so morbid, especially at my age, but our lives are finite – and I’m not at the point of panic, but there is so much I want to do, and where am I? Have I don’t what I want to? Will I do what I want I want to do? Will I contribute to this world what I would have liked to?
In September 2011 I went to a seminar with a lot of different speakers in Mexico City. I might have mentioned him before in this blog – I’m not certain. But even though his message was unpopular with those listening to it, and the Spanish to English translation made the speech horribly boring. In fact, I just went through my notes from the event and I took down nothing from his speech, and I had to look up his name on the Internet. However, two years later, I’m haunted by his words as I sit here on a Sunday getting myself in the mood to focus and do some “Good Work.”
It probably sounded better en Español, but the catch phrase was repeated over and over. He also was brutally honest: “I am not the best father in the world…” he said a few times. But his point was that each one of us has a finite amount of resource: at the true end of it, that resource is time: and we have to choose how we spend that resource. He feels like he has spent it the right way, and that is his decision.
Really, he’s right and in his world his comfortable with that. Have I made the right choices? On the average, I think so. I can honestly say that I am happy. Am I totally happy with where I am financially? Maybe I picked a bad industry as far as ROI on that one. But people tell me I’m pretty good at it, and I get paid more than people my age in this biz, so OK, fine. BY any regular old standard, I think I’ve passed some test or another.
But I’m running up on 35 – and how will I make my mark on the world? What will my legacy be? What will my family life turn out to be? Have I figured out what’s really important?
I sure as hope I’m quitting the right things and picking the right things.
I read a book recently my Ann Lamott, called Bird By Bird. Its about writing, but writing is her life – so it is also about life. She referenced another writer who said this, but it rings true – all of this stuff around us – our bodies, our money, this planet – they’re all props. And the end of our lives, we have to give them all back. When you give them back, what’s left?
Should I publish such a self-serving monologue that is dripping with morbidity?