Thanks, Brain – no really, thanks. By that I mean you suck.

Sadly, I know the significance of this image.

Sadly, I know the significance of this image.

I’ve always thought of myself as a lone worker, even when working in an office.  Sometimes, it really has been that way – I usually end up handling multiple projects, typically smaller ones, with small teams and many times no team or support (even if it was promised).  Now, it’s quite literally “Tyler versus the world,” and I’ll admit: its pretty intimidating.

I know eventually I will get used to it.  I’m just tired of waking up at 3:00 AM with random thoughts in my head – mostly about money.  The funny thing is, I actually have the money thing covered for a while.  I’m very lucky to have some great clients who want me to work for them, and my immediate future looks bright and fits in my overall business plan (which has been yet to be refined, but I’ll get there soon enough).

Then there’s all the other stuff – billing, taxes, cash flow… Although I was good with accounting in school and I’m relatively comfortable with it, unfortunately I have to be in the mood to do it well (then again, that’s the way I am with design work, which can be infuriating).  It is, however, just one more thing I have to take on.

Unless one day I just win the lottery, this is the best time for me to do this.  I have a good backlog of work, and more opportunities have suddenly reared their head – I’ve actually been amazed at how the universe has unfolded.  I have probably said it on this blog before, but once I made the decision to actually do this, many things fell into place very unexpectedly.  So I am pleased.

And I wake up at night.  A lot.

Which, really, isn’t very helpful with getting my work done.  I even wake up with thoughts of whom to hire, when, why, and how it fits.  I wake up wanting to run and rerun budgets and projections in Quickbooks (new feature!).  I would imagine that this would be much more helpful to do after a good night’s sleep, a cup of coffee, and a nice paleo breakfast.  But no.  For whatever reason, my body thinks it is a much better idea to wake up at three or four in the morning to do it, so the rest of the day will be completely destroyed.  I’ll admit I came up with a good idea Thursday night Friday morning… but was that really necessary?!

Anyway, things are good!  I don’t know why my mind races so much.

Lets look at the good things:

  1. I have already spent all of the money I will need to for a while on insurance, equipment, software, and all of the irritating expenses (although it’s not a high barrier to entry as, saying buying a factory.  Which I want to do one day).
  2. I have a great backlog.  Current count puts me at (2) signed projects, (2) 99% projects, (1) 80% project (probably 100% if I make myself cheaper, but I can’t), (2) of my own development projects and concepts, and (2) potential game changer meetings (even if my game has barely begun).
  3. I have a spot at a really nice office with good people in it.
  4. I have low overhead (even though the new car wasn’t a great idea, and I just bought an investment property – if anyone wants to rent a place on King’s Highway in Oak Cliff, let me know)

The bad:

  1. Its only me.  I have some admin support through the office and I could use their manpower if required, and I know other people to help me get my work done… Still, as insanely awesome as I might be, discussing decision making with another person with skin in the game is of great benefit.
  2. I don’t have it all figured out yet (does anyone?).
  3. I don’t have a big cushion of money.  I think I accidentally spent that on the investment property above (should be ready October 2013!).  even so, I don’t know how much I would have to have in the bank to make me feel good anyway.
  4. I’m tired.  But, my trip is booked, and in a few weeks, good or bad, I will have contemplation time and all of that other stuff.  I might come back crazy, but hopefully just recharged a bit.

So I made these lists with equal numbers, but the bad just really isn’t nearly as strong as the good.  So while I’m sitting here awake with a nice cup of coffee at 4:00 on Saturday afternoon (oh crap its already 4) all of this makes sense.

Aaand then 3:00AM rolls around again.  Grr.

Side note: I Google Imaged “3:00 AM” for the second image, like I sometimes do when I don’t feel like taking a photo myself.  Note I did not source the meme.  Anyway, the image was from a blog by someone who was caught in the sex trafficking business and has gotten out of it.  Although not a comfortable subject, I suggest the four of you who read this blog have a look:


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